Yes, teen girls can be drama queens, but mom's can be drama mamas.
"What are you discussing? It's my daughter's fault. She's rude, disrespectful, and defiant."
I understand it's easy to concentrate on your own daughter's behavior, but it's possible for mom's to join the drama dance and escalate the drama.
Now I am not blaming moms or letting teenage girls off the hook.
But moms need to take responsibility for their part in the drama dance. I am a mother of a teen and I discover how easy it's to have hooked in the drama. But this is actually the good news.
Whenever you take responsibility for your part, you are able to avoid a lot of the drama with your daughter.
The drama will dissipate quickly once you refuse to join the drama dance.
It takes two to complete the drama dance. This is why it's important to learn the way you escalate the drama. No mom intentionally escalates the drama dance. It's a reaction. You react because you're afraid, frustrated, or she makes you are feeling such as a failure.
The Six Ways Moms Escalate Drama
1. Lose Control
Your daughter loses control. She starts yelling and being disrespectful, and before you realize it, your have the fire welling up in your belly. You're touching your inner warrior. You've had it, and you're ready to place her in her place, nevertheless you lose control.
You lose control of one's words, judgment, and actions.
Result: Whenever you lose control, it provides your daughter permission to get rid of control. This creates a downward cycle that creates a whole new set of problems.Dramacool
What you certainly can do about it: Take a break. Go to the store. Walk around the block. Take a shower. You need time for you to calm down.
2. Escalate the Arguing
Avoid arguing at all costs. It is not a discussion; it's an electric struggle where there is going to be considered a winner and loser. It's a fight to the finish.
Your daughter will attempt to have what she wants by arguing with you.
She uses her teenage logic which can be really code for "I will argue with you till you i'd like to do what I want."
She'll throw things at you prefer, "You hate my friends." If you take the bait and start defending and arguing why you don't hate her friends, she will continue to argue with increased passion and emotion. These arguments go downhill quickly. She'll throw everything at you to have her way.
Result: Arguments are doomed from the beginning. Your daughter really isn't open from what you have to say. She just wants her way. Since these arguments are so frustrating and irrational you're bound to get rid of it in bigger ways.
What you certainly can do about it: Wait for a while when both you and your daughter are calm. This really is your very best chance to have a conversation. When anyone is upset it will develop into an argument.
Get clear about what you think and what you will do about it. A lot of arguing happens when you are not clear.
3. Scare Her
Another tactic is trying to scare your daughter into changing. This happens once you feel you can't get right through to her.
You attempt to scare her by making negative predictions in the future.
- If you're sick and tired of your daughter's room being trashed, you say, "In the event that you don't discover ways to look after your things you will be the biggest slob in the world. No-one will want to room with you in college. Best of luck finding some guy who will put up with that."
These negative predictions fly from orally when you are really frustrated and you don't know very well what else to do.
Other negative predictions are:
- In the event that you keep eating like that you're going to be huge.
- In the event that you don't value your grades you'll never enter into a college. You'll be lucky to obtain a job at a junk food restaurant.
Result: Your daughter feels humiliated or shame. She'll believe you've abadndoned her.
One teenage girl explained, "My mom thinks I'm stupid and can't enter into college."
Negative predictions cause apathy, despair, anger, and shame. They never motivate.
What you certainly can do about it: Remember your daughter's strengths, abilities, and resiliencies. This may help calm your fears. Encourage her by saying such things as, "I understand you may be successful, once you put enough time and effort into it." You're challenging her but in a positive way.
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